I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
