Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
