so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
