this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
