So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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