I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
