my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I could fuck to npr.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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