just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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