should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
