Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
