His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
