South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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