I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
