All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
where does the pee come out of this thing
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
