Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
