Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
