Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
