i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
