Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
