The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
