I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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