I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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