If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I faked an abortion last night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
