She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
