don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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