please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
