if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
