On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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