: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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