This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
