I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
