I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
