woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
BRING THE BAGELS
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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