I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
