cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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