i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
