Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
