I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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