your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
