I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just got carded by a ten year old.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
