I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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