You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
