the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
