Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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