I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
