now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
