I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
