i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
