I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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