I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
