Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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