Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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