sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
